My parents are afraid of her, and I am too. If you tell her something she doesn’t want to hear, she becomes incredibly cruel. A couple of weeks ago, she let herself into my house (she had a key) and took my work laptop because she “needed it.” Then I noticed that a full bottle of Vicodin that I had left over from a recent surgery was empty. I’ve tried for years to help my sister, and none of it has worked. In the meantime, I have felt that because of my sister’s issues, there was never enough room for me and my needs. My question is: What can I do to make my parents understand that she has real issues that aren’t being solved by our enabling her? And should I cut my sister out of my life at this point? I feel like she’s a stranger to me, and I’m tired of the turmoil. There are two separate questions here, I think. (I agree with you, by the way, that your boyfriend wasn’t really joking it sounds to me that he genuinely doesn’t know how to cook and wishes someone would show him the basics.) One is: How do I date someone who’s learning a lot of basic responsibilities for the first time as an adult? The other is: Can someone who had an extremely difficult childhood also be a loving, stable partner? To the first I’d say: With patience, with communication, by not laughing at or judging him when he reveals he doesn’t know how to do something you consider obvious or easy, by asking questions, by being supportive.
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